Where have you been? Where do you go?
Yeah… Its been a while since I wrote something huh? I don’t have any excuses either. I’ve just been busy with things other than music. I’ll tell you all about everything in this blog. So, get comfortable and enjoy the read.
Where have you been?
I’ll break everything down into sub chapters. This way, you can choose what you do want to read and what you do not want to read.
Personal life
New place
Well, I don’t know if I ever told you guys this on here. But since January of this year, the guardianship has been removed! Now I have a mentor and someone who assists with finances. Basically, the mentor decides everything regarding care, well being, and all that kind of stuff. The other person job I don’t have to explain.
If you ask, ‘why do you have a mentor?’ Well.. To put it simply, to get the guardianship removed I had to play it save in regards to the judge.It would be weird if I would say: ‘my whole life I had my parents take care of me and now I’m totally sane and can make my own decisions.’
Secondly I still needed my parents to agree to release their authority. So this was the easiest solution. There’s still a form of taking care of me. The difference is that in practice, I decide a lot more now. And hopefully, in a few years, I can remove the mentorship and the rest.
On paper though, I’m still mentally disabled. I’m supposed to get a test this year to prove I’m not. And that is the last chain connected to my past life…
Furthermore, a few months ago, I got contacted by a care facility where I’ve been positioned on the waiting list for a long time. Officially, I couldn’t even life there because you can only live there when you are physically disabled. So I said that I wanted to talk about it but I’m waiting for the test. So I hung up. I told my mentor I got a call. And she said: ‘well, I could always try to explain your situation and have them meet you. We could always try’. And from there, everything moved pretty fast…
Had a conversation with them together with my mentor. few hours later my mentor calls me back and tells me the apartment is mine if I wanted it. They saw that the situation was a little different than the papers suggested. A Few days later visited the apartment that would maybe be mine, and a day later I said ‘yes’
issues with current place
It isn’t as easy as packing my bags and go. To put it in simple terms, the contract I’m under has very strange terms which aren’t normal. Secondly, when you need care you need a new place to stay. This isn’t always easy to find. The place where I’m at now is not a care facility. It’s being ran by a group of parents. And basically care is funded by the government. When someone close to you takes care of that money, you can… Be a bit more creative in the way you spend the money. When there’s a professional person involved you cant. Because that person needs to report to a judge to make sure there aren’t any errors and that the rules are followed.
Since I’m represented by professionals, this became a bit of an issue. For privacy reasons I can’t elaborate too much. But let’s keep it at things were a bit sketchy in terms of finances.
What do I care they got your back right? Yes, but my issue is these parents that are in charge wouldn’t speak to me directly at first. They think I’m mentally disabled because of course my dad and mom were part of it first to. I’m mad because I can’t understand why you can’t give it a try and see where you end up. I mean, unless you talk to someone directly you don’t know them.
Eventually I had one conversation with two of them when my mentor insisted I needed to be present. (We had to talk about that I was looking for a new place). She was like: ‘talk to him, if you want to know what he wants and why’. Picture that I lived there for eight years. After two years I told everyone I wanted to leave publicly. And now, when it gets real I have the first conversation ever about me and what I feel. Says enough I think.
To conclude the terms of the contract states things that aren’t legally possible and it would make it impossible to move. It’s fixed now. But this whole situation made me angry and sad. It’s not about what’s best for me but what’s best for them financially. I wanted to leave peacefully but that’s not happening.
Met new people
I think I already discussed it briefly. Since September of last year we have a new manager here. We clicked very fast and started talking a lot and tell about ourselves. You know that feeling that when you talk to such a person, you don’t just hear their words but it hits in the heart? Yeah.. That happened. So we became very good friends and I consider her family. It’s the Same for her husband who came over from Spain this January.
Really awesome and kind people. The husband also is a respected retired mastering engineer who mastered for big bands including Kensington. He learns me a lot of stuff regarding mastering and mixing. And besides that he’s a guy who’s genuine and honest. I don’t believe in coincidence. I simply needed to meet them.
Through them I also met a Spanish guitarist. Real genuine and open dude. Also met people through a song I did with the people who live here, and a few others. In a nutshell expanded my circle a bit.
Went to grab a few drinks with these people. Sometimes It was really a learning experience. You know, not just talking about you, participate in conversation, show interest in others etc… These are things I didn’t do actively before. So yeah, definitely learning!
Mental health
Over the past few months I really struggled with this. There were good days. But, a lot of days were and are still difficult. For the past five years I broke up with my family, got guardianship removed, and move to a new place. All these events.. I never stopped and gave them a proper place. It’s like a wound that keeps on reopening. My most apparent question is: ‘how do I give the events that led to the breakup and things after that a place? Shed a lot of tears and spend days with flashbacks replaying in my mind.
I called with my previous psychologist, but she couldn’t or wouldn’t help me. Called others but they all are full and have a waiting list. So there’s no help on that front professionally. The new manager and her husband and other friends really try and help me by being there and offering a listening ear. Or, we go and do something to get my mind of things.
After I move I’m in care at a professional facility. Once I live there, they should be able to help me find someone.
The new place
Since I said yes to the new place I visited there a couple times to measure stuff, see where everything needs to go, and was there to place the washing machine and let in the guy for the internet. The husband of the manager helped me with getting to the place and assisted with making sure everything is ready once I do move. Really appreciate all the help. I’m moving September 11th. A lot of friends offered to help moving. It’s really a pleasant feeling.
The next few weeks I will start packing stuff.. The new adventure is about to begin. If I’m honest, I’m a bit scared but it definitely is the right move.
Music
I have been working on a few new songs. One of which is a song with the Spanish guitarist I spoke about earlier. He did the guitars for that track. Together with the husband of the new manager I’m working on the mix and the arrangement of the track.
Also made a track where I only sing. And that’s all I say for now…
For the new album I’m working on promotion material. Planned to do that before release, but as you can imagine my head has been all over the place for a while now. If interested, you can go here to check out the album.
So... What now?
Well… I don’t know. First, I want to find a way to give all the events that have been happening a place. If I create something in the process it’s cool. And like I said on track fourteen on the album, I don’t enjoy creating music right now. I don’t have that creative spark at the moment.
I will however keep creating promo for the album for a while. It deserves attention so I have to work on getting it in front of as many people as possible.
Personally, I’m going to spend some time to find the joy back in life, show people my new place, and just reset.
Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a great week!