Blog 9: Therapy secure, entering new phase, album taking shape
Welcome to the blog of June. I don’t have an awful lot to share. But there are a few updates worth writing about.
Therapy secure:
Yes! The therapy is secure for another three months. I continued going outside, trying to converse with people etc.. I also started going out into the woods when I feel like it. How I managed to secure it precisely I don’t know. My guess is, they used the pressure as a way to see if I would make more progress if more pressure was applied. Well, seems it did work. I don’t appreciate the method should that have been the case.
Also had a conversation with my parents my therapist, the person overlooking the treatment, and me. Mostly the therapist and her colleague explained what they have done so far, where they would like to go and ask questions as to how to get there.
My parents brought up again that they don’t use the guardianship as a way to stall my progress but just “to be sure”. I take it you can assume how my face looked. I didn’t bother replying. My dad brought up again that he wants me to look for work or day activity. I told everyone that that’s not something I’m focused on right now and that, I first want to work on other things.
Also started doing assertiveness training. (Excuse me if it’s not the right word hehehe!) We are in a group of ten with two people overlooking and giving the training. I had four sessions so far. Shit shocked me man for real.. In my mind I knew I wasn’t the only one with social issues. But to hear people share stories about their problems and issues almost felt like a light switched on in my mind. “Wait, so people actually experience stuff like this to? That means, it’s not uncommon what I face and therefore am not alone!
I’m lucky, the first four sessions were on camera due to the pandemic. This Friday is the first face to face session in Amsterdam. I’m scared can’t lie. I hate large groups of people. Then again, that’s what I want to overcome. Wish me luck!
It seems, my family and I won’t ever agree. This is based upon the fact that they keep bringing up the same subjects, and because I feel like sometimes to make progress in life, risks are a necessity. Furthermore these statements don’t signalize “reaching new highs together”. It rather signalizes “yeah, there might be something wrong but we don’t know how to act. And therefore let you handle it”.
Entering new phase:
What do I mean with “entering a new phase?” Well… After that conversation I had, a couple days pass. And then, one day I woke up and thought: “What the f*** am I doing?” Why am I still trying to convince my family into believing in the path I walk on? I don’t have to! You see in their mind, they made all the right decisions and actually think they know who I am and what I need. And so, if that’s the case why should I fight that constantly? If that’s truly what they believe I can cry, beg, plead, and guess what? It won’t change a thing. Not when someone isn’t willing or unable to change their ways.
So, what do I do? I had this interesting thought: “What if I do what I believe is right without forcing them to come along and help me and just find others to help where needed? Then, they can choose to stay on the sidelines and hop on the train whenever they are ready. That, or not at all. And then, whenever I need their signature for something I simply ask without any emotions attached. Should they refuse, I say: “You made the choice to stay out of it didn’t you? That’s fine. But with that you resigned your right to appeal regardless of the guardianship.
Of course, legally it doesn’t work like that But.. I have a feeling that they get tired of this to. So when they hear these words it should be enough. And honestly, lets hope it never comes to that.
What’s important is that, through therapy I learned that, if someone doesn’t agree with you after both parties explained their vision on the matter, leave it at that. It’s wasted energy and it can better be spent on things which do get me closer to my goals.
In conclusion I’m starting to accept that the situation with my family is what it is. It’s time to get moving forward. So agree to disagree and let them all live in peace. You never know where our paths might sync, but I stop hoping and take it all how it comes.
Album taking shape:
Hehehe… Never thought I could say this. The album is taking shape! I finished three from the five concepts I had laying around. (Well, a rough final version so I can decide later whether or not I want it on the album.) So far three from the five have a spot on the album. So we have about five songs lined up to make the final tracklist. The total will be about twelve at this rate, I expect the recording of the album being done between September and December.