April 13th 2022: I'm Sane!!! Moved, burned bridges, building, searching for growth
Hi whats up!
It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog. In fact, it’s been almost a year… Oh wait! Today, is exactly a year! Coincidence? A lot happened since the last time I wrote a blog.
Damm.... The wish to move became reality
Yes You read it correctly. I’ve talked about the wish to leave the place I lived at before this. If you want to read the previous blogs for the full story, go ahead. For those that rather read a short version, here we go.
I lived at a place where there is 24/7 care just like here. But, I lived with people That have a mental disability as well. I don’t it’s proven. (More on that later.) Amway, the idea of that house is that most activities are done together. That’s good, if you have trouble doing things on your own, if you like to be around people. Most importantly, if care fits their needs it’s all good. The reason doesn’t matter that much.
I mean, I’m social to. But, It always was hard for me to do things together cause I just never connected on a deeper level. I love each of the clients there. It just wasn’t for me. The biggest factor is that I kept developing and that started giving trouble. So in the end, I made the choice to leave.
To get to the new place took a long time.. But man! I did it! Don’t get me wrong. A lot of good friends helped me to get to the new place. The same goes for my mentor and administrator.
It’s refreshing living here. The clients here are actually super nice! We have a lot of conversations, laugh, be serious, and most importantly, actually talk real shit. That’s something I never thought of ever getting.
The care taking is very different to. Like, they take my feelings serious, let me have the final say, develop professional relationships and help where needed.
There are definitely things that I wish were different. But hey, a perfect situation doesn’t exist. And for the foreseeable I’m ok with the current situation. There’s enough I can learn and develop here.
Burned bridges
The last few months at my old place were literally a mess. The energy started to switch. I was under a lot of stress, and started to see the organization and the people in power weren’t interested in what this did to me. I’m not talking about the caretakers, I’m talking about everybody else.
It’s like I literally counted down the days till I left. I know its useless to begin a ramble about how and why. But, long story short, my departure was handled and viewed from only one side. To the point where I almost got sued..
And it’s not the money either. It’s about not taking me nor my wishes and words serious. It’s only about what’s best for them. Not what it does to the people they inflict the damage on.
Some caretakers I stayed friends with after I left. And that’s awesome. It’s good to know and feel people like that exist.
Others that I thought became my friends over the years I lost. Some because of things I said, things they said to me, and others because on personnel and directive level things happened I was fed up with. Which for reasons, I couldn’t say fully at the time. For privacy reason I won’t discuss it here either.
It really is a shame that it had to end like that. It wasn’t what I wanted. Not for the clients nor for anyone else.
The saddest thing is that I cannot see the clients there anymore because of all of this. And that is the saddest thing. Besides the mental damage it did to me.
Everything I said in this chapter of the blog is my opinion of the things that happened. Keep in mind that there always are two sides to a story.
Building
Living at this new place is great as I mentioned. But, all the events of the last few years really have a lot of impact on me. It changed me. I started to doubt my mental abilities, can I read people correctly, if I’m free what do I do, how do I make friends and meet new people, what do I like, etc.. It’s like I have to completely start from scratch.
The good thing is that the caretakers here and behavioural expert help me to do everything at my own pace, they understand the situation. That helps a lot. And most of the time, I’m not afraid to ask something.
One of the most important things my list is finding or create work in order to finance my dreams.
Searching for growth
Literally what the title of this section says what I’m looking for. Of course, to get to this situation there has to be some kind of power to change Things. Saying you want change is one thing. Actually facilitating change is a different thing.
In that regard I’ve already shown a lot of growth. I wouldn’t have ever thought that I would be able to have a life where I’m in control. Now, yes from time to time I ask friends for advice or help. I think that’s good. Since I’ve never been in this kind of situation before, everything is new. So maybe, that’s normal? Hahaha I don’t know.
I also am looking for ways to gain more reach for the things that I do. I feel like it’s too small so I want to change that. I had this course laying around called: The 4D Songwriter. It goes into detail on how to expand your reach in the modern music industry. It’s really hard work. It’s fun at the same time. I’ve had insights after a few chapters that I never had before.
Also, I’m back into therapy to see if I can let my demons and bad way of thinking go and be in the now. Had the first few sessions. We’ll see if it gets me the results I’m looking for.
I'm sane
If this is the first blog you read, your head maybe goes: duh… How else are you writing this? Well.. For most of my life, I was labeled mentally disabled. This happened outside of my control. If you want the full story, listen my second album Confession.
I did a lot of tests, was stressed, talked with a lot of people for months, and finally, the results came back. The last few lines read: ‘during testing we were unable to find any evidence that suggests Jordi suffers from a mental disability’.
Excuse the language, but that’s a big middle finger to everyone that said otherwise. Now I need to start to believe that it’s true. Till next time.
Hey homie!! This is Jessica carpenter from Facebook. Add me to your English subscription Email list.
Hi Jessica!
Jordi here. Currently I’m not using E-mail lists. In the future I might. For now, just keep an eye on my socials.